As humans, more often than not, we want to present ourselves well and be good at what we do. However, it is an inevitable fact that we will be criticized. Dealing with things we’re not doing right is no easy feat. So today, my wife Teresa joins me to talk about things I’m terrible at, and to share how gentlemen can better handle constructive criticism.
Sven Raphael Schneider: Welcome back to the Gentleman’s Gazette! In today’s video, we discuss…
Teresa Schneider: Hey! I thought this was my video!
SRS: In case you don’t know, this is my lovely wife, Teresa, and she’s right! This is her video.
TS: And today, I’m going to have some fun and share with you 11 things that Raphael is terrible at.
SRS: Really? Okay! Chances are you’ve never seen Teresa before unless you’ve watched our table manners video. Teresa and I are 50/50 business partners, not just in life but also in the Gentleman’s Gazette. Initially, when we started YouTube, she was actually behind the camera and I was in front of the camera. These days things have changed a bit, but if you look at our early videos, that was her work.
Raphael & Teresa
TS: So we all know that it’s easy to present ourselves as perfect online so…
SRS: What are you talking about?
TS: Yeah. So I thought who is better qualified to share what Raphael is terrible at than me, his wife?
SRS: My mom?!
TS: [Laughs] Your mom’s not here, so today, I’m going to share those 11 things with you.
TS: To begin, Raphael is terrible at speaking quietly.
SRS: [Loudly] What do you mean?
TS: We have this concept of indoor voice and outdoor voice and Raphael always uses his outdoor voice.
SRS: Except when we’re filming, because Preston is louder than I am.
Just because you’re speaking loudly, doesn’t mean you’re correct (or worth hearing)
TS: That’s true! Preston is louder there, so we’ll get to Preston’s flaws in another video.
SRS: Yeah!
TS: So for example, if I come home and I can hear shouting from across the house, I’m pretty sure Raphael’s talking on the phone with his family.
SRS: Yeah, I’m also half Brazilian so they talk loudly, too, and my sister once proclaimed that we’re just a loud family.
TS: She’s right!
TS: The next thing that Raphael is terrible at is not interrupting. I think you’re probably not surprised that I’m saying that here, and you will be dutiful in not interrupting for the rest of this video, but it is very much a family trait. His whole family talks loudly, they talk over each other and if you want to get a word in edgewise, interrupting is your only way to go.
SRS: Yeah, Teresa definitely hates it when I interrupt her, but it is hard. I think gentlemen shouldn’t do that, and we’ve covered it many times, but it’s definitely something that doesn’t come naturally to me.
TS: Yeah, I know you do your best. I just tell him, “I didn’t want to finish that sentence anyway,” and then he knows he has interrupted.
SRS: Yeah, or sometimes she kind of pokes me in the thigh or in my chin…
TS: No, no. Your shin–I’m apparently more flexible than I thought. I’m gonna kick you in the chin!
SRS: But yeah, when she does it, I know what she means by it. She basically brings out the best in me.
Raphael is occasionally guilty of interrupting others
TS: As an example of how Raphael struggles not to interrupt people: just last night, we’re out with our whole team, with Preston, with Chris (our videographer), and Chris is telling us about his weekend plans, and Raphael interrupts to tell us how bad his cocktail was from earlier in the evening.
SRS: I mean, it was really bad. I wanted a Manhattan and I got a bourbon with vermouth. For some reason, I was thinking about it during the conversation, and I just chimed in interrupting everything and you guys were just looking at each other like, “What is he talking about?”
TS: In addition to the interruption, yes!
SRS: So overall, definitely one of my skills is to change topics without other people knowing about it.
TS: The third thing that Raphael is terrible at is waiting in line. In general, Raphael is not a very patient person when he feels like his time can be spent better elsewhere–which is pretty much everywhere you have to wait in line. So waiting in line at the grocery store, he rolls his eyes, he gets antsy, he says, “Oh this is stupid! they should open more checkout lanes.” It’s a full-body annoyance.
SRS: I mean, I guess it helps if you check out things. I definitely look at the other checkout lanes to figure out if it may be faster there.
TS: Yes, that is one thing, that is a skill that has come out of this thing that you’re terrible at; you are masterful at picking the shortest line.
SRS: Yeah, I think also in Germany, when you go to a grocery store, it’s kind of national sport to be really quick. People don’t waste time, they don’t ask how you are. Here, there may be like 30 people behind you and they’re taking all the sweet time in the world.
TS: They’re asking about your day.
SRS: Exactly, and then, “Oh wait a second, would you like a different food? Let me go get it for you.” And then five minutes later, 50 more people are behind them, all annoyed, and you’re still not checked out.
Not the most patient person, Raphael struggles with waiting in line
TS: And Raphael’s lying on the floor kicking his feet.
SRS: Exactly. I’d rather leave and go to Instacart instead or something.
TS: So a great example of Raphael’s inability to wait in line for something was when we were in Seattle, a few years ago, and we were going to go up in the Space Needle. We got tickets for later in the day and you couldn’t bear to wait.
SRS: Yeah. It was like they give you a ticket for a time three hours out, but we wanted to take photos and by the time we were going up there, the sun would have been down. So, I just talked to the guy and said, “Hey, you know, we came here all the way from Germany.”
TS: You may have laid the accent on a little thick.
SRS: Maybe! But at the same time, Teresa, she was so embarrassed.
TS: I was hiding!
SRS: She was so embarrassed that she was moving away like at least like 30 yards. The guy was pretty friendly, he was like, “Okay. I can let you guys in.” And then we all went up there, so I’m always trying to work the system, I don’t take no for an answer.
TS: No, that’s true and that benefits you in many ways. In fact, even though Raphael can’t wait in line, his persistent badgering actually enables some of these delightful flaws that you have and in this case, we were all rewarded when you managed to get us ahead in line.
TS: The fourth thing Raphael is terrible at is empathy. Raphael is a very independent, self-determined person and it’s not exactly a skill of his to be able to put himself in other people’s shoes.
SRS: I think I’ve definitely gotten better at it.
TS: That’s true.
SRS: And we do these personality tests…
Raphael & Teresa having an eyebrow grooming session
TS: Two percent is better than zero.
SRS: Well, according to the personality test, I think it’s a little higher! But I agree, Teresa is a very empathetic person who has very good social antennas, and while I’m trying to get better at it, she’s ways ahead of me.
TS: But I think that just plays to our natural strengths, right? That’s not what you’re good at, it’s what I’m good at so we work in our business together in a way that works out.
SRS: At the same time, I think you need to have like a minimum level because otherwise, you are just perceived as a d*ck who doesn’t care about others, and that’s just not what a gentleman should be about, right?
TS: Right! The fifth thing that Raphael is terrible at is actually very similar to the previous one, in that he is terrible at managing people–which is very interesting for the CEO of a company. We have 12 employees who work for us all over the world, and we have to manage them all in some way.
SRS: Yeah and I mean, we got to a certain point, but then I realized…
TS: That is true–we got almost exactly to where we are today with you managing people. But in general, you like to do your work and you like people to leave you alone so that you can get to all of the things that are on your plate as a CEO.
Despite the fact that the Gentleman’s Gazette team was solely international for years, Raphael isn’t the most hands-on manager
SRS: Exactly. It’s part of the growth. I realized that it’s a multi-step process, right? At first, I realized I can’t do it all myself so I need to hire other people. But ideally, I would just like to tell them what to do, not micromanage them, and just let this go. That also means I’m not going to give them a review or show them how their work is meaningful –which, down the line, is just not really helpful. Now, you were a lot better at that, and so we just figured, let’s transfer all of that your way.
TS: I like it a lot better and as you can tell, I clearly wrote the script so that Raphael can tell me all the things that I’m good at! [Laughs]
TS: The sixth thing that Raphael is terrible at is saying the positive, as well as the negative. He comes from Germany, where they do tend to be a bit more direct about the negative things in life–but sometimes, that’s hard when you’re not also getting the positives as well as the negatives.
SRS: Yeah, in Germany, usually you don’t get the compliment right away. Sometimes when we call my parents, they are like, “Oh, what happened to you? You look sick, did you gain a little weight?” And Teresa’s just there like, “What are you talking about?” But they do not mean it in a bad way. They just notice it and just share it.
Focusing solely on the negative will not make others happy
TS: Right. Raphael is fiercely independent, and that means he doesn’t really need the encouragement and praise of other people, so it’s really not in your nature to offer it. The flip-side is, a lot of people come to you for a truly un-sugar-coated opinion.
SRS: Yeah, I think I’m not someone who just gives out praise very easily unless I truly think it’s warranted. So for some people that means they feel like I’m pointing out more negatives, and I’m less touchy-feely, I’m more matter-of-fact, but they value this opinion. When all the other people say, “Oh that’s amazing, it’s great.” I’m more like, “How is that going to make money?”
TS: Exactly. Very matter of fact.
TS: The seventh thing that Raphael is terrible at is keeping his opinions to himself. If Raphael has an opinion, he’s going to share it whether you want to hear it or not.
SRS: Yeah, I’m a talker, I guess. I definitely feel that I’m constraining myself sometimes–I know it may not seem like it to you! I definitely have opinions, I’m not afraid of conflict or sharing them. I would say, in general, I am very talkative, so yeah, I’ll let you know what I think.
TS: To the extent that I’m happy to actually hide behind you in certain conflicted situations because you handle it so well. A great example of this: we were once at a hat store, and the salesman at this haberdashery was showing you a hat from Dobbs. He claimed that this was one of the best hats in the world.
SRS: No. He said, “The best hat in the world.”
Sven Raphael Schneider in a fedora, vintage brown Caraceni suit, vest, winchester shirt, collar bar and spectators
TS: To which you promptly replied…
SRS: “No, they are absolutely not the best hats in the world.”
TS: And the horrified look on this man’s face, I will never forget! This is a perfect example of where the polite thing would have been not to say anything, but Raphael is definitely going to tell you what he thinks.
SRS: Exactly, and I could have backed it up. He was just trying to make a bold statement, not expecting me to know about different felt qualities. But yeah, in those cases, I definitely share my opinion.
TS: Right. The lesson here is, generally, not to challenge you on your menswear knowledge.
TS: The eighth thing that Raphael is terrible at is caring about what other people think.
SRS: Wait a minute, isn’t it a good thing?
TS: It can be a good thing, it can be a bad thing. I think for YouTube, it’s a great thing because it means you’re just Teflon when it comes to all the different comments that come along. But for example, once when we were dating, he asked me if he should tuck his shirt in, I told him he shouldn’t tuck his shirt in…
Raphael’s not a fan of untucked dress shirts (no matter what others say!)
SRS: And I promptly tucked it in.
TS: Exactly.
SRS: Probably at the time, it just felt it was better. I mean, it was stupid of me to ask you for the opinion when I had my agenda anyway, and I think I’ve gotten better over time. But yeah, if you ask someone to do something, they give you an answer, and you disregard it, I mean, there’s not many ways you can make that other person feel more superfluous, right?
TS: The ninth thing that Raphael is terrible at is leaving enough time to get dressed. Now…
SRS: Wait…
TS: Yes, yes, yes! Now, I like to be on time for things, but Raphael doesn’t care so much about that. You would think that a man who loves fashion as much as he does would enjoy a long, leisurely process of getting dressed, but I would say a good 95% of the time, it is just not true.
SRS: Yeah. I guess, we’re both late sometimes. I agree with you, I’m not someone who spends two hours getting dressed. I sometimes put outfits together very quickly.
TS: And that means that they’re from the top of the pile.
While he loves classic menswear, Raphael doesn’t often leave himself much time to get dressed!
SRS: That can happen. Absolutely. That being said, I always try to come up with unique combinations, I have all the ties right there…
TS: And that’s something you’re really good at even on short notice, but I just think it would surprise people to know that if you have five minutes, you’ll leave five minutes to get dressed.
SRS: Yeah and Teresa’s American, right? So sometimes, there’s a tendency of slightly over exaggerating.
TS: ‘Cause Germans are just the truth-tellers of the world. [Laughs]
TS: The tenth thing that Raphael is terrible at is following rules or instructions created by somebody else. So it could be a recipe, it could be assembly instructions…I think that you believe that you can do things a little bit better [than what the instructions say].
While he enjoys the kitchen, Raphael doesn’t often follow others’ recipes to the letter
SRS: Well, I think you’re right when it comes to rules, I’m not a “rule follower.” I’ll try to game the system and figure out a way to do it differently that’s maybe within the rules, but not the way it was intended to be. On the other hand, I can put IKEA furniture together quickly, I can follow recipes and do it pretty well. I mean, it’s nothing like our friend, Michael, for example.
TS: I’m sure he’s going to enjoy the shoutout. Michael, you suck at putting together IKEA furniture! [Laughs]
TS: The eleventh and final thing that Raphael is terrible at is throwing anything away from his wardrobe.
SRS: I agree.
TS: As you could imagine, Raphael’s wardrobe is a precious, curated thing for him, and it is next to impossible for him to throw something away. And as Exhibit A, I have a more than 10-year-old shirt here from Siniscalchi which I know you love. But, you can see that this is falling apart on the collar, on the cuffs, it’s got stains, it’s just shredded–but yeah, it was still in your closet.
SRS: That being said, specifically with shirts, for example, Francesco Barberis Canonico, he wears these kinds of shirts with his suits and he has lots of money, he doesn’t need that. Now, I’m not quite that far when shirts are in that state, I don’t wear them with my suits or with my jackets, but I still keep them–and yeah, I agree. I’m not good at throwing anything away, and I only purge things every once in a while. Socks or underwear, even shirts…
Teresa sometimes gets fed up with how many old and fraying items Raphael keeps in his wardrobe
TS: By that, he means once every 10 years.
SRS: Well maybe a little more often, but if I throw this away, I’d actually save the buttons, because they’re nice mother-of-pearl buttons.
TS: And I knew that’s what you’re gonna tell me! “Don’t throw it away, I want to cut the buttons off.”
SRS: Exactly. Sometimes I know that the cotton on the body is so good, you can use it for shoe shining. In general, I’m not a wasteful person, so keeping things and trying to make the most out of them is definitely something [I do]. In our basement, we have these old pipes that were insulated with asbestos, and I actually used some of the old shirts to wrap everything so it wouldn’t blow up. So yeah, we repurpose those old shirts in some ways.
TS: Raphael is really good at finding the most obscure possible justification for keeping things in his wardrobe. So, in case you need to insulate your asbestos pipes, send us an email and we’ll send you some old shirts!
*Disclaimer: We will not actually send you a shirt*
Teresa & Raphael
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