Business can be fraught with opportunities for things to go wrong; if you do everything right, no one really notices it but if you get it wrong, you screw up big-time and the deal may not happen. So the goal is to keep others around you comfortable, not to draw any negative attention to yourself so your personality and what you have to say can shine. Today, we discuss business and client dinner etiquette which is part of a series with part one being Table Manners and part two being Restaurant Etiquette.
Dining out can be so revealing of one’s character that many companies make it part of their onboarding process before or when they hire you. It shows how well you can maintain a conversation, how will you fit in socially with your boss, your team, and how you can navigate basic etiquette.
A formal business dinner has different rules than a casual lunch on event or a meal with your boss. Of course, etiquettes can also be different in South America, the US, Europe, or Asia. It’s always important to understand the culture you’re in and what the local etiquette is.
No matter where you are, a business lunch or dinner always has a host. If you go out with your superior, your boss chooses the restaurant, as well as the time. If you’re just going out with colleagues because you’re hungry, there may not be a host necessarily unless, of course, you want to pick their brain then you become the host and you invite them. The same is true vice versa. If someone wants to network with you or understand how you can help them and they approach you, then they become the host. In that case, just go along or answer the questions. If you are the host, on the other hand, do your homework and know who your guest is.
There’s no point in inviting a vegan to a steakhouse. Likewise, I am from Germany and have no interest in German restaurants in the US because I’m always disappointed. When you pick a restaurant, don’t choose anything that’s overly loud or crowded because after all, the main goal is to have a conversation. In the same vein, don’t choose a restaurant that focuses on sloppy or difficult to eat foods, so don’t go to the seafood boil or to the burger joint that is really greasy, or to the ramen store where everything may splatter over your entire business outfit.
It is essential to make a reservation because nothing makes you look as unprofessional as having to wait for a table because you didn’t take any precautions. Also, when you do make a reservation you can ask for a quiet table so you can accomplish the mission you set out to accomplish.
If you’re the host, arrive 10 to 15 minutes early so you can make sure you got the quiet table that you want and everything else runs smoothly. You may also want to take the server aside and tell them that you’re going to pay for the dinner or lunch.
Obviously, there’s a table but especially with bigger parties, there can be large tables and specific hierarchies. It’s easiest when you’re the guests. Just wait until the host tells you where to sit. In case you’re not offered a seat, wait until your host sits and put yourself in a position that allows for easy conversation. If it’s just a dinner between two people, it is much easier than if there are 20 people involved. That being said, sitting all across at the end of the table would be wrong.
If you’re the host and let’s say, you go out to a business lunch with a larger group of people of different companies, it pays to put someone from Company A next to Company B followed by Company A. That way, people can talk and learn from each other. It’s best to think about the specific seating arrangements before you get to the restaurant so you don’t have a weird happening of people receiving themselves or moving chairs. In general, the person highest up on the food chain gets the best seat and so forth. So sometimes, just the place where you sit at the table can indicate if you’re a big shot or not.
A good host will always introduce new parties to each other. In a business setting, that means you mention their name, as well as their position and what they do. If on top of that, you happen to know more information about those two people, you can share that as well which gives them a common conversation starting point.
For example, you could say “Tom, this is Matt, he’s our VP of Sales and he graduated from Cornell with a degree in Engineering.” Of course, I’m not going to mention the Engineering degree if the other person is not an engineer. Maybe you could also think of hobbies and say “Hey, he likes to play golf just like you.” Sometimes at business dinners, you, as a host, may not know all the people in the other company. In that case, the most senior person there will introduce their team and so will you.
Of course, if you’re the guest, sometimes, other people are not so well versed in etiquette and they may not introduce you to the others or vice versa. In that case, you should briefly introduce yourself.
As a basic rule to a business dinner or lunch, you should wear the same things you wear to the office. Of course, if it’s a more formal business dinner in a nice restaurant, you can dress up more but in some cases, it’s not advisable to dress better than your boss because he might get offended. On the other hand, if it’s an important client meeting, you want to dress up through a usual standard.
Of course, it also depends on the niche. If you’re meeting with someone who works at a construction site all day, you’ll be dressed differently than when you meet with someone who works at a law firm all day.
Don’t try to eat as much food as you can if someone else pays for you. Of course, hunger can get the best of anyone so if you know you’re hungry and you have to talk a lot, maybe eat something in advance. Also, if you go out with your boss and order a gigantic steak during the middle of the day, that puts you in a food coma afterwards, he knows that you’re not going to be your most effective that day.
Turn off your cell phone and keep it in your pocket. It’s a sign of respect to fully focus on the person in front of you and if you just check text messages or take calls, the other person thinks they’re not important enough for your full attention.
Do so with a handshake and smile. Yes, everyone, not just the boss or higher-ups but everyone from the top all the way down. It’s very important that you stand up when you’re doing it, otherwise, it just feels and looks sloppy. Some rules suggest that men and women are created differently, however, in the business setting, it should all be the same with a handshake that is firm but not too firm and a smile.
You don’t want to look like a pig and you also don’t want other people to end up with your soup on their face. To learn more about that, check out our guide on table manners, as well as restaurant etiquette. I’ll promise you they’ll make you laugh and you’ll learn a thing or two.
That being said, if you’re a host, you may offer other people a drink. If they decline to have alcohol, maybe it’s wiser for you to do the same because you don’t know whether projections are on you, if you do drink during the day, for example. If your host orders alcohol, feel free to join in and order a glass of wine but you don’t want to get hammered midday or even in the evening during a business dinner.
If this is part of the interview, I’d strongly suggest you don’t order wine even if your interviewer and potential boss orders one means you follow suit. I suggest you just say “No, thank you” and move on. In general, don’t get drawn into drinking more than you want and also, don’t push others to drink more than they want. If your glass has a stem, like a wine glass or a champagne flute, always hold the glass by the stem.
That means, don’t order the most expensive dish on the menu and if you are the guest, you can always follow the lead of your host. Never order more courses than your host because that may look like you’re abusing their generosity. Likewise, don’t order messy foods that you have to eat with your fingers. Avoid looking picky or indecisive and if you have food allergies, check out the menu beforehand and pick out an item that you can eat so everything can be smooth you can get right to business.
The conversation itself and at what point in time you can talk business without looking weird. If your boss asks you out for lunch or dinner, there will likely be an agenda and you can just let him decide what he wants to talk to you about. You can go over all of your projects and numbers so if he asks you questions, you seem competent and know what you’re talking about right away. Find about the family or the hobbies or the interests of your boss and revisit all the conversations you had so you can easily start and keep a conversation going.
If you go out with colleagues for lunch, you may just want to talk about the project you’re currently working on or if it’s a bigger project and there’s a standstill, it can really help to not talk about business at all in that context. Think about it this way, a business lunch is more like a business meeting where food is served so everyone can fill up their fuel tank. Since most people have very limited time over lunch, business is discussed very quickly. Of course, a quick non-business intro and conversation is just fine.
On the other hand, if you’re at a formal business dinner in Europe, it is essential that you don’t talk business before dessert is served. At first, it may seem counterintuitive to talk so late about business at an essentially business dinner, at the same time, anything else would be considered rude by your host or by the person you invited to it. Of course, if the other party leads the way, wants to talk about business right away, you shouldn’t make them feel uncomfortable either. Just go along and talk about business. In the US, there are not such clear-cut rules but you should never start up with business right away.
Do your homework, know what the other people are interested in, where they went to school, what their position is, and what they do. Most people like to share their achievements and accomplishments so you can figure out what they’ve done, I’m sure they’d love to talk about it. At the same time, it makes himself more comfortable around you and if you show an interest for them, they are much more likely to show an interest in you. The last thing you want to have happen is that business is all settled by the time the drinks are served and you have not enough on your homework because now, there is a long dinner, if likely, awkward pauses that makes the other party maybe rethink the commitment they just made with you because you seem like a strange guy.
As a general rule of thumb, religion, sex, or politics should never be subject of discussions at a business dinner. My father-in-law used to run his own business and when they went on a business trip with a few people of his team to a big client in Boston, they had dinner together. One of his employees said that his neighborhood was infested with Democrats and the client took my father-in-law aside and said, “If you’ll ever bring this person again, we’ll stop doing business with you right away.” He was lucky because they knew it wasn’t his fault but saying things like that is just plain stupid. Chances are they might be offended and you can only lose. Instead, stick to hobbies, interests, and of course, business.
So, once the meal is over, it’s time for the bill. The most important aspect of paying at a business dinner is this question, because you, as the host or guest, you never want to appear showy or screw things up. Ideally, you’ve taken a server to the side beforehand, maybe giving him your credit card, so he could just charge it and it’s just a smooth transaction without any weird questions or back-and-forths.
If the question of payment never arises, the other person can see that you can organize things and get stuff done. If, for some reason, you can’t get a hold of a waiter or it’s not an option, when the bill comes, you discreetly take it and place your credit card inside of it. The worst thing you can do is pull out your wallet and put in one Benjamin Franklin after another, it is just showy and weird. Never argue over the bill because that’s just strange. If you’re the guest, just offer to pay, the host will likely say, “No, I’m going to take care of it,” and it’s the end of the story. If the host pays in full, you should say thank you. If you, for some reason, you split the bill, that is fine too.
Tipping can hugely depend on the culture you’re in and so it pays to know in advance what to do, when, and where, and what the usual amount of tip is. Also, you want to treat all servers with respect because treating them in a mean or rude way can signal to your business partner that you have a problem with people management and he may not want to do business with you because of the way you treat others.
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